On Sex, Dolphins, Procrastination, and Writing

Ukiyo-e utamaroSucculence revolutionary Saida Desilets describes in her book “Emergence of the Sensual Woman” how during sex women have an innate need to be filled and that men long to be completely emptied. She illustrates this with two spirals, the female one starting from the outside and spiraling inward toward the center, and the male one beginning at the center and going outward.

spiralI think her spiral analogy works for Writing or any kind of creative activity, as well as for sex. Since we are all both male and female (we just have a preponderance of one over the other), we move both from ‘inside out’ to ‘outside in’ all the time. Writing – or any creative act – builds up and HAS to get out – we MUST empty it – simply in order to feel alive, refreshed, healthy, happy.

That is what being creative is all about.

Yes, but Receptivity is just as important. We can’t just empty ourselves all the time. We need to fill ourselves up with sensuality, emotion, and experience in order to be creative.

boy on dolphinThe Ancient Greeks regarded dolphins as being companions to both the god Apollo (the sun, creative) and Aphrodite (the goddess of love, pleasure, beauty). They saw the Dolphin (sacred to Delphi) as a friend to artists: the dolphin dives into the ocean of experience and leaps into the air of creativity. Dolphins live a balanced blend of an artist’s life.

DespairI think as writers we tend to spend too much effort on the creative aspect. We feel blocked and stuck, and even despairing, when we don’t ‘create.’ I haven’t yet met a writer who hasn’t felt hopeless about their craft at one point or another.

But maybe we are not blocked; we are just in a ‘receiving’ mode.

The secret to a feeling of well-being is to recognize that diving under the water, that filling your life with experience, is part of the creative process, not just the emptying of your soul into words.

Enjoy it all – appreciate it all. Live in a larger realm of creativity AND receptivity, so that the act of Writing nourishes you as much as you nourish it.

In the end, it’s all about Love. Love what you do. Writing is a relationship as sacred and wonderful as marriage or real friendship.


heading to marketWriting Practice

During this busy, hectic, sometimes lonely – sometimes frenzied, cheerful, dark time of year, grow appreciative of contrast and small tasks. Baking cookies, taking a walk, sewing – these are experiences that can fill you up with a sense of calm and delight. If your word count isn’t meeting your expectations, let it go. Call a friend instead. Or allow yourself the pleasure of staying in bed an extra hour.

Some people call it procrastination.

I call it writing.

he loves me


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