Pursued by Winslow Eliot

“In this stunning thriller the reader is taken from the exquisite beauty of Hawaii to the high-rises of Sydney, stopping on the way in Milan. We join investigative reporter Leigh Garner as she pursues a mysterious stolen chalice. Gardner is one of the most likeable of heroines. A “Can Do” gal on a mission.

• Purchase Pursued Print Edition

  Pursued (Telemachus Press 2011) A storm — a disaster — the theft of a priceless chalice. Investigative reporter Leigh Gardner loved and admired scientist Kale Trenton from the time she first heard of him, way back when she was a teenager. When his ancient chalice is stolen, a chalice vital to a mysterious scientific project [...]

I enjoyed getting into the villain’s twisted head early on. He comes on like a snake and sheds his skin to reveal a psychopath. Very chilling. This is Dan Brown, but better. A story that just might happen to an average joe or Josephine. Highly Recommended.”

Barbara Silkstone, author of Wendy and the Lost Boys and other hilarious, sharp, smart, thoroughly enjoyable novels.

Pursued by Winslow Eliot

… is now available for your Kindle on Amazon and any other ebook format through  Smashwords.

• Purchase Pursued Print Edition

  Pursued (Telemachus Press 2011) A storm — a disaster — the theft of a priceless chalice. Investigative reporter Leigh Gardner loved and admired scientist Kale Trenton from the time she first heard of him, way back when she was a teenager. When his ancient chalice is stolen, a chalice vital to a mysterious scientific project [...]

Here’s the story: A storm–a disaster–a theft. When Kale Trenton’s priceless chalice is stolen, investigative reporter Leigh Gardner vows to go to the ends of the earth to bring it back. She chases every lead, explores every possibility, and hunts down Kale’s rival, Peregrine, to find it.

He won’t admit he has it.

And she has to decide just how far she’ll go to bring it back.

You can download PURSUED for any e-reader (or even your laptop) for only 99 cents!

If you’re interested in a review copy, please let me know.

Happy reading!

Last week you listened, you eavesdropped – you were surprised by nuance, misunderstanding, flow, pitch, tone… Now it’s time to write purposeful dialog. By ‘purposeful’ I mean dialog that

• illuminates characters
• moves the story along
• and is fun (or harrowing) to read.

How?

Illuminates characters: The dialog you write has to be the only dialog your character would say in response to the situation or other person.

Here’s an example of five different characters being illuminated:

She says: “I love you.”

Depending on his character, he could respond (not just say something) in any of the following ways:

“No way. Really?”

“It’s too late.”

“I love you to and I’ve wanted to marry you or the longest time but I didn’t know how to ask you so will you marry me now? Today? My star, my delight! Oh, how happy I am!”

“Sure you do.”

He stared at the road ahead, and she couldn’t tell what he was thinking. (No dialog needed – we know exactly what he’s thinking: ‘He’s just not that into her.’)

You’re conveying what the characters are feeling; you’re not explaining it. Dialog has to be subtle and requires a light touch. One of the worst things you can do is expatiate on what someone is saying.

Always keep in mind that you’re writing a dialog – which means that the person who is listening is just as important as the person who is speaking. No one should say something because it’s their turn – they need to respond directly to what the other person said.

Moves the story along:

Throughout the dialog, stick like glue to the conflict at hand. If there’s no conflict occurring between characters, whether internal or internal, there should be no dialog. Remove it.

Dialog is often brief and matter-of-fact, and yet it propels the story forward – sometimes even faster than action or explanation.

How does your character convey information about the storyline? Instead of, “I’m going to have to drive downtown to fix my flat tire now,” say: “Damn tire.” Don’t be pedantic – instead imply, infer, argue, tease – show us what’s happening through how two or more characters react to each other.

Every event leading up to every line of dialog has to fit together and make sense, as well as being important to the story. Everything that happens afterwards has to be relevant to what was said.

Is fun (or harrowing) to read:

Good dialog does not sound like actual speech. It’s rare that including the ‘you know’ and ‘err’ will make your dialog more successful. The best dialog needs to sound natural.

Conversation is not linear, like a plot tends to be. Interruptions, misunderstandings, description, and action are all part of dialog, and create tension, emotion, and build relationships.

Don’t use dialog to explain something about the story: Always be writing from the heart and mind of the character. It helps to place the characters in an environment that readers can visualize. That crazy thunderstorm during King Lear’s descent into madness highlights the dialog wonderfully.

Describe the surroundings, and characters’ mannerisms, as they talk. This makes for a richer read.  Intersperse your dialog with description: tell us where they were walking, how they looked, the lines on a forehead, the yellow asters on the black table…

Avoid what are known as ‘tags’ – “he barked” or “she expostulated.” Just use “said” – your dialog should convey the bark or the expostulation.

Avoid phonetic spelling. With dialect, less is definitely more. (There are brilliant exceptions to this – as in everything.)

Remember that people breathe while they speak – the breaks and rhythm, the cadence, the personality, the music – are all important when you write dialog.

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Fun Writing Practice – How to Write Dialog

There are two parts to this writing practice.

This is the scenario: Joe is getting ready for a job interview. He showers, dresses in his best suit, debates over the right tie, prints out a clean copy of his resume, and packs it into his otherwise empty briefcase. He checks the mail: Uh oh. More past-due notices. No time to open them now. He’s going to be late if he doesn’t hurry. He starts walking, and takes a short cut through a busy farmer’s market. A small boy bumps into his leg, sobbing that he can’t find his mom. Joe is a warm-hearted man, and wants to help Bobby look for her, but he’s already late for his interview. And all those unpaid bills are pretty scary.

First part:

Close your eyes. Picture Joe. Hear Joe’s fast stride as he tries to push through the crowds. Picture the farmer’s market. Picture Bobby. Imagine Joe’s consternation at being faced with a forlorn young boy who’s lost. What on earth is he going to do?

Take your time with this – at least five or ten minutes. Breathe into the scene. Then open your eyes and write down what Bobby and Joe say to each other. Take up a couple of pages – move the story along through the dialog.

In this draft, don’t use any words outside of the dialog quotes. Don’t even say “Bobby said” or “Joe said.” We should be able to know who is speaking just from the sound of their voices. One is a young child; the other is a middle-aged man.

Write as fluidly as you can. Don’t edit, don’t correct grammar, don’t criticize how they talk. Try to let it happen on its own. See how they respond to each other, when given their freedom. If you really let them do this, you’ll see how they have two very distinct voices, how they really care about their own problems but are conflicted by the encounter, how they engage, change attitude, and how the conversation develops into a relationship.

Remember to stick to the conflict between the two characters. As we said earlier, if there is no conflict between the two characters during a piece of dialog, then the dialog has no place in your story. In this case the conflict is internal (Joe is late for a critical appointment but feels compelled to help Bobby).  

Second Part: Read what you’ve read. Now fill it in: add setting, speech tags, thoughts, and anything else that will flesh out the encounter you just described through dialog. You need to convey Joe’s distress and anxiety because of the job interview and Bobby’s distress over not being able to find his mom, but without dwelling on either of those things. Have them get to know each other – Joe could get him an ice cream, they might sit on a bench, they might seek out a police officer. Have them discover things about each other on a much deeper level than just money worries and being lost.

What’s interesting about writing dialog this way is that the flow of conversation is much more natural than it is if you set the scene first and then add the dialog afterward.

Hopefully, your dialog has evolved into you writing a creative and satisfying conclusion to this story as well, one that does not just have Bobby being reunited with his mother and Joe going home with a clean conscience but no prospect for future work.

_____

Daily Happinesses:

• dreams filled with vivid, rich colors
• the desert in the evening
• boarding the yacht for dinner
• faithfulness
• dried leaves falling slowly in a still afternoon
• getting organized
• heroes

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We talk most of the time – except for when we’re not. The gift of language is part of our existence. We communicate with words far more often and easily than we do through writing or even through an expression like a glare or a smile. And yet much of the time, in conversation as in life, things are not what they seem. Words don’t necessarily mean what you think they do, or what they mean when you’re writing narrative prose. That’s because in dialog the words themselves are colored by the people who are using them.

First, a definition: Dialog is characterized by conversation between two or more people. (Think of the word ‘two’ in various languages: deo, due, dos, deux). A monolog, on the other hand, means ‘one’ – it’s one person’s internal thought process (“To be or not to be, that is the question…”). In films, a monolog is often the “voice over.”

Great dialog has to sound realistic, but when you read it or hear it, you’ll see that it’s more subtle than “real” conversations are. Written dialog is not actually how people talk – it’s your interpretation of a conversation. It has to be purposeful to your characters’ motivation and to the story itself. If you listen carefully to other peoples’ conversations, you’ll realize that they usually don’t respond directly to a question. People usually have a mysterious inner life that may be reacting completely differently to the words that they are using. For example, a young person may be thinking, “What a crazy old coot! What does he know about skateboarding?” If you’re writing a scene where the kid is thinking that, you don’t have to tell us, but you would show it in his terse, rude response to being questioned by an elderly professor.

If your characters are eating or watching television while they’re talking, one of them may be more interested in food or watching television than in the dialog, and the other one might be frustrated by this. But they would not say “I am frustrated.” They might say, “Turn that down!” or “Want more cake?” (sarcastically). If they are gazing into each other’s eyes, their conversation would sound different; more intense.

Avoid writing dialog where a character describes exactly what they’re feeling. Very few people ever do that. Even the words “I love you” need to be used sparingly in a romance: conflict, action, description, or humor can convey the emotion more interestingly. That’s because most of us try to avoid being hurt or embarrassed, and it’s usually hard to drag out from someone else what they’re really feeling. When I watch “Friends” I’m always taken aback at how comfortable and safe those guys are with each other. “Are you okay?” “No, I feel awful – he doesn’t love me…” Does anyone really say that? In “Friends” it works mostly because it’s so unlikely that they’d confess to a ridiculous crush or a bad sleepover that it’s humorous. Most people use cynicism, lies, humor, and defensiveness to protect their feelings. What would your character use? Let them speak for themselves. You might be surprised at what comes out of their mouths. The tone might convey what they’re really feeling, while they actually say something completely different.

To write great dialog you need to know your character so well that what they say flows from their mouths absolutely naturally. There can be nothing jarring in a single word they utter. The personality of each character has to shine through in each voice, distinct from one another’s.

Pacing is important as well – your characters breathe and respond and feel. Let that come through in the words they use to share their thoughts and emotions.Your voice is like your face: it reveals more about your personality than you have any idea!

_______

Fun Writing Practice – Listen to people talking

Eavesdropping is crucial to writing great dialog. I’ve found that one of the best places to eavesdrop is on a train, where you can be looking out of the window and listening to a conversation going on in the seat behind you without the conversers knowing. Supposedly, J.D. Salinger went to a local coffee shop to listen to the cadence of teens talking to one another – they completely ignored him, which allowed him to really hear the flow of their voices, not just the words themselves.

To get a sense of this flow, you need to let the words drift through you a bit. Don’t focus on their meaning, but instead let what the person is ‘really’ saying come to you, through their tone, their pitch, their quaver. Did you read the novel “Dune” by Frank Hebert? The most fascinating concept in that book is the power of ‘voice’ to actually make someone do something against their will. Hebert’s premise was more interesting than hypnosis, because of the complexity involved in training one’s voice as a martial art.

Eavesdropping is one of the most underestimated writing tools. Do it all the time, wherever you are. Standing in line, checking grocery shelves, listening to the radio… let go of the idea that you’re trying to learn something or find out something from the words, and instead let the music of the voices and the hidden meaning behind the words come to you. Also, listen especially to the two-part music – the “Oh, yeah,” and “Really?” and “Mmm.”

Also, without looking at the person who’s talking, try to imagine what she’s wearing, where he’s from, what their religion or political beliefs might be. Especially try to imagine what their shoes look like, just from listening to their voices. (This is a fun game to play with kids too.)

Eavesdrop – or listen attentively to conversations around you – for a whole week. At parties, at a family dinner, in the classroom, at a restaurant, on the bus, on the subway. Eavesdrop till it becomes a writing habit.

_______

Daily Happinesses

• an unopened letter
• quiet time
• sweet peaches
• swimming in a mountain lake in autumn
• vintage sunglasses
• painting in oils
• discovering the cove

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The next planet was inhabited by a tippler. This was a very short visit, but it plunged the little prince into deep dejection.
“What are you doing there?” he said to the tippler, whom he found settled down in silence before a collection of empty bottles and also a collection of full bottles.
“I am drinking,” replied the tippler, with a lugubrious air.
“Why are you drinking?” demanded the little prince.
“So that I may forget,” replied the tippler.
“Forget what?” inquired the little prince, who already was sorry for him.
“Forget that I am ashamed,” the tippler confessed, hanging his head.
“Ashamed of what?” insisted the little prince, who wanted to help him.
“Ashamed of drinking,” the tippler brought his speech to and end and shut himself up in silence.
And the little prince went away, puzzled.
“The grown-ups are certainly very, very odd,” he said to himself, as he continued on his journey.

In this passage, middle-aged Langley seeks permission from eighteen-year-old Louis’s guardian, Lady Revill, to take the boy under his wing and help guide him through the shoals of youthful adventuring. Lady Revill is a former lover of Langley with whom he has only recently reconnected, after a twenty-year separation. She knows of Langley’s true relationship with young Louis, that Langley is his father – a fact of which Langley has not yet been apprised. Here’s the dialogue:

“What were you about to suggest, Mr. Langley?”
“Nothing very definite. But I think I can enter into Louis’s feelings, and I seemed to attract his confidence, and this suggested to me that I might be of some service if other influences failed. I know that I am inviting a rebuke for officiousness. A word, and I efface myself again. But if you permit me to serve you, I would gladly do all I can.”
“The difficulty is very great,” said Lady Revill, “and I feel it as a kindness that you should wish to help me. But how? I am slow to catch your meaning.”
“All I should ask of you would be a permission to continue, with your good will, the relations with Louis which began at Athens. I am an idle man, without engagements, without responsibilities. When Louis comes home, would you consent to my taking up, informally, the position Mr. Worboys will relinquish? It would be for me a purpose in life and it might, I think, afford you some relief from anxiety.”
Lady Revill sat with eyes cast down; she kept so long a silence that Langley allowed himself to utter his impatient thought.
“You don’t like to say that you think me unfit for such a charge?”
“I had nothing of that sort in mind, Mr. Langley,” she answered, in a lowered and softened tone.
“You shrink from restoring me, thus far, to your friendly confidence.”
“That is not the cause of my hesitation.”
Langley winced at this reply, which was spoken with a return to the more distant manner.
“In brief, then,” he said quietly, “my offer is unwelcome, and I must ask your pardon for venturing it.”
“You misunderstood me. I am very willing that you should act as you propose.”
It seemed to him, now, that Lady Revill assumed the tone of granting a suit for favor. Moment by moment her proximity, her voice, regained the old power over him, and with the revival of tender emotion he grew more sensitive to the meanings of her reserve.
“But,” he remarked, “you foresee a number of practical difficulties?”
Very strangely, she again kept a long silence. Her visitor rose.
“I ought not to ask you to decide this matter at once, Lady Revill. Enough if you will give it your consideration.”
“It is decided,” she made answer, rising also, but with a hesitation, all but a timidity, which did not escape Langley’s eye. She seemed of a sudden anxious to atone for cold formalities. Her face, he thought, had a somewhat brighter colour, and the touch of diffidence in her bearing was more perceptible.
“If you knew how glad I am to speak with you once more.”
Suppressed emotion at length betrayed itself in his voice and he stopped.
“I will let you hear very soon,” said Lady Revill.