Two things touched me yesterday in my reading travels: the story in the New York Times of John Bowe’s (hopeless?) search for true romantic love and Norah Pollard’s poem St. Valentine’s Day.
Valentine’s Day breaks my heart every year. There’s something about the high expectations lovers put on each other, the materialism, the yearning for something different or more, the desperation of people who don’t have that special someone, the sense of failure so many have, the anti-climax at the end of the day. Everyone in the world experiences John Bowe’s longing in some form or other. They believe that they’re in charge of ‘finding’ this dream, as though it’s the source of a river or an island in the Pacific. But is it a destination like that? Is life-long love more of a decision than a passionate falling off a cliff? Don’t we have to land eventually, take hands, and journey on together as friends?
I think Valentine’s is great for school kids. It’s a day to cut and paste and draw pink and red valentines for their kindergarten teacher or to take home to their mothers. But it’s not a day for grown-ups. Grownups take themselves too seriously.
My husband is vehemently opposed to ever doing what other people do when they do it. Even birthdays he regards as a Hallmark conspiracy. Valentine’s Day is an even bigger conspiracy, and the best revenge is to thoroughly ignore it. (But he does bring me fresh-ground coffee in bed every morning, and claims that’s much more romantic. Is he right?)
This year I’m not going to sob in the bathtub because I didn’t get a valentine. I’m not going to long for a mythical lover to send me fragrant roses. I’m not going to feel chilly towards my anti-Hallmark husband. Instead, I’m taking a different way. I’ve decided to go the independent route and self-publish a romantic novel I wrote called “Heaven Falls.” I’ve been working on edits, details, and strategies, and I’ll post more about it this week, including the cover. Besides my family, I’ve had two extraordinary helpers through this rollercoaster process, and both are far better than Valentine’s Day fantasies: the publisher, Claudia Jackson of Telemachus Press, and John P. Locke, friend and fellow-author, who somehow managed to give me the encouragement and backbone to move forward. So, to celebrate Valentine’s Day, I’m going to pay romantic homage to Writing. Writing and I had a bit of a falling out recently, but our wrangle makes this reunion even more poignant and intense.
And here’s my Valentine’s poem:
In the Heart of an Igloo
I have fallen in love again
the winter brought me here
on a boat of snow and slopes:
I can write again.
and the snow flakes
have become fat and wet
and press against my body
like the tongue of a lover
I went deep into the heart of the igloo
and there you were:
My pen. My paper. Heart into words.
I have fallen in love again.
Let me be the paper; and you the pen
Take me – I lie passive as the storm rages outside
Write me – I lay myself naked before you
You are the One
I am your Queen
and your Slave.
Well said, Winslow. Heaven Falls is going to be so huge it will probably be the must-have gift for next Valantine’s! And fresh-ground coffee in bed every morning sounds pretty classy to me. As for me offering you encouragement? Hey, I’m just returning the favor you gave me! Have a great Valentine’s Day!
Wishing you the best of luck in your new endeavor!
Hello Winslow,
I hear what you are saying. I went through a period when I wrote love poems. Things changed, and I stopped writing. When I wrote I felt as if I put the pen on the paper and the words came out of my hand effortlessly.
I think I could write again. I have to give myself permission to be so honest.
I have a ton of life experiences that I could write about but I worry about putting the negative things “out there”.
Thank you for sharing. You continue to inspire me.
Jean
i had to laugh at the “hallmark conspiracy” theory, winslow. i was brought up on it, my dad never failed to get cards for us on every special occasion & i had learned to do the same. and although i’m guilty of sending an e-card, i still love finding the right sentiment for a certain someone for a specific event… now i’m with someone who was not brought up that way & i yearn for little expressions whenever a when-you-care-enough-to-send-the-very-best day rolls around. but your husband is right, it’s in the action. & mine does that in different ways…his expression is in his cooking such as furikake-encrustetd salmon with a nalo greens salad on a work night… i just have to appreciate his style.
i look forward to your novel, “Heaven Falls” & enjoyed reading your poem…ahh, i can relate to that igloo!
happy valentine’s weekend!
Gale, thanks for sharing that – it’s good to keep in mind all marvelous complexities of relationships, upbringing, and expectations…
J.E. – thanks for the luck – and thanks for all your support and friendship on Twitter!
Jeanette – Maybe it’s time to write poems again? This poem – “In the Heart of an Igloo” – flowed out of me without my doing anything. That may be happening to you, and you don’t want to clog them up! I’d be honored to read anything you write.
Thanks, John. You are a true friend and a great guy. I’m so lucky to know you.
Hi Winslow:
I just had to comment on your poem “In The Heart of An Igloo”
Full of imagery and emotion. It speaks to the soul of a poet and the heart of a writer. Love it! Keep writing – it’s all good!
OH! Thank you so much. It means so much just to know you read it!
Winslow! I smiled as I read this…. Sounds like we have two gentlemen that share similar sentiments on V-Day (but I know I am getting a card, he picked it out when I was with him) and as much as I agree logically with Gale, that romance is in their actions, I still secretly long to be blindsided and swept off my feet. HOWEVER, the Valentine conspirarcy is not what called me to comment, your book news and your poem did! I am so glad that you are self publishing, I can’t wait to purchase the first copy and get it signed over tea (or even seaweed!)
Your poem is beautiful – in so many ways. It says so much – everything! Thank you for sharing it and for being the captivating and special woman that you are. I am so lucky to be able to call you a friend!
Well Winslow,
Good luck with Heaven Falls! Self publishing is a new cruel reality I think. It’s definitely the future, but in the present it’s very hard work. The one reason I stay with it, is because of my need for independence. (Or should that be my pig headedness and inability to follow instructions?)
Anyway, good luck and I hope it’s a real winner!
Derek
Derek – Can it be harder work than “Waiting for the Call You Think Will Change Your Life”? I guess I’ll find out. I’m going to try to regard it as fun rather than work for as long as I can. Anyway, I am SO GLAD that YOU decided to self-pub “An Uneducated View of Sex, Politics & Food” – I love it: http://www.derekhaines.ch/Books/books.html
Sarah – I feel the same way: lucky to count you as my friend. xxx
Winslow, I must confess that I share many of your husband’s sentiments about all these “days”. But I don’t have his courage of truly taking a stand.
Jay – I wish I had the courage to truly take a stand. As in: “Get me some damned roses!” 🙂
Winslow,
I share the great hallmark conspiracy with your husband. I do not like others dictating my emotions. I am rebellious towards planned emotion and calendar moments. I make my own cards and give them on my calendar, to me this is truly from my heart. My husband received a handmade card, a handmade rose and a loving wife sharing his day 🙂
I agree Valentine’s Day is full of planned expectation.
Publishing “Heaven Falls” is a true loving gift of accomplishment and I am so happy that you are doing this!!!
Next Valentine’s your book will be someone’s special gift:)
Kathy D 🙂
Hey Winslow- were you spying on me? Last week, while not reading email nor responding to your request for HS stuff…I was in Steamboat Springs and for several sublime hours, alone at Strawberry Hot Springs…where, at dusk with a Townscend’s Solitaire serenading me from the edge of the dammed river, I lay on a mossy rock, back in warm spring waters, the top surfaces of my body out of the water electrocuted by snowflakes. And inspiration. At this time of year, I dwell in the cave. And when I allow myself to wake up there, like you, I find my words. I loved your post Winslow! Welcome home. Love, S
My dear Suzi – you are sublime! How you know how to indulge in real experience – AND describe it! Wow! Thank you – thank you.