What would you say? How can you say it? There are lots of things we have to communicate, from “pick up the pizza on your way home” to “we’re letting you go—your job is redundant” to “shall we get married?” We talk to each other frequently—it’s how we live. If we’re not talking face to face, it’s communicating via Facetime or some other screen. We used to rely on the telephone and before that we wrote letters. Letter writing was elevated to an art form by many people. One of my favorite letter-writers is Isabella Bird, the intrepid Victorian-era explorer who wrote stirringly to her stodgy married sister back in the England about her many remarkable adventures. Compiled together, her letters read like the best novels! She took her time to write them. We tend to rush our communications nowadays, and rushing creates not just endless misunderstandings but also anxiety and stress. Especially during the holidays, we may need extra patience to communicate. Family parties often require tact and forbearance. We can’t always say what we’re thinking or feeling, and yet we don’t want to be sulky or lie. What’s the solution? First, before saying a word (or texting) take a deep breath. Grow still. Be calm. Let friendliness and compassion well up from a deep spring inside you. When you quiet your heart, you discover that what you’re really feeling is love. Not love for the other person, necessarily, or for yourself, but a deep abiding sense of Love. When we communicate anything at all with calm, kindness, and love, our communications occur naturally. Maybe we don’t even need words, but instead we tell them with a hug or a speaking look.
