Stillness 6-17: Many years ago someone I cared for deeply did something that I believed was a travesty. It’s taken me many years to want to do any kind of forgiveness work around the situation, mainly because it happened so long ago. It’s over, done. But when I think of this person, there still arises in me a nabbing irritation and sadness. Anger, hurt. Quickly, I put her out of my mind, hastily try to justify whatever was my part in our misadventure, and go on with my day.
But recently, while I’ve been trying to clear as much clutter from my house and my spirit as I possibly can, my old friend showed up again in my psyche. At first she was triggered by a gift she’d given me, then by memories. Holding the gift in my hand, I decided to enter into stillness through the portal of those memories. To my surprise, I felt cloaked in a robe of summer-sky-blue. An overwhelming feeling of gratitude surged through me. I realized it wasn’t forgiveness at all that I needed to experience — it was gratitude! Like gentle blue waves, I remembered how perfect and devoted had been our friendship. How much I had learned and loved! All the magic came back, and now nothing else mattered. The only words that kept being uttered in my heart were a joyful “thank you!”
Try it for yourself. Think of something or someone that you keep telling yourself you can’t forgive. Something that bothers you so much you don’t even want to spend time thinking about it.
Then imagine a cloak of summer-sky-blue enveloping you in the soft warmth of gratitude. You’ll find there’s always at least one thing you can appreciate about the person or event. Find that one thing, and focus on it. As you do that, you’ll discover more. And more.
Even if you don’t believe there’s anything to be grateful for in the experience, accept the mystery of not knowing. Be thankful anyway, without knowing why. You’ll find that, with practice, all your hurt, resentment, or rage dissolves — not into forgiveness but into gratitude.