When I was a teenager, I mentioned to my mother how self-conscious and uncomfortable I was in social situations, especially parties. Her advice to me was to realize that every other person in the room with me felt even more self-conscious and awkward than I did. So, the next party I went to, I decided I would try to enjoy it more. Even though I didn’t feel confident, either about my clothes or my new haircut, I pretended to be friendly and confident. Instead of wondering whether I’d be ridiculed, I acted relaxed. I realized as I played a role that my mother was right: my friends really did feel much more nervous than I’d realized when I’d been caught up in my own internal self-conscious misery. They gathered around me, not because I was cool but because I made them feel good about being themselves. My friendliness made them feel friendly. Well, we may not be adolescents any longer, but those lingering feelings of anxiety about what other people are thinking can prevent us from truly enjoying each other. We still easily feel defensive, self-conscious, or hurt, even if our intelligent, mature brains chide us that it’s silly to feel that way. Instead of arguing with your left brain about that, try literally acting how you wish you felt. Next time you’re in a situation that distresses you, imagine you’re playing a role. Light up your self-assurance. You can do this by simply making other people feel more self-assured. Don’t wait for them to make you feel as though you belong. Create the mood you want to feel by acting it out. Adjust the lighting. Become the lighting. You can control and change how anything appears. If a conversation is uncomfortable, move the spotlight somewhere else. If it’s time for a different kind of lighting, empower yourself to change it. Use the focus of lighting to illuminate the best part of a situation. You can change how you feel and how others feel simply by your warm smile, an appreciative word, a friendly hug. You have great power over your environment—practice lighting up the room and all the people in it.