Stillness 5-14: There are all sorts of ways to stand up for oneself. How do you do it? Do you shout and stomp about? Do you stand up for yourself by trying to manage or influence? Or are you passive-aggressive, avoiding conflict as much as possible? Or do you rationalize and reason and overthink and talk and talk about it? Or do you leave, slam the door, and go for a walk alone, sort out your feelings, and then come back feeling better about things? Or do you make a joke, make the other person laugh, so that the tension dissolves and doesn’t seem to matter anymore? Or do you tend to stand up more for other people rather than yourself? These are just a handful of ways that people stand up for themselves. What’s yours?
Whether it’s in relationship with someone we know too well, or a neighbor, or a politician who threatens our basic human rights and freedoms, we are constantly having to stand up for ourselves. Situations may change, and maybe we respond in different ways at different times, but eventually we all need to choose to stand firm, whether fiercely or meekly, for what matters most to us.
Sometimes the hardest part is wondering whether it’s worth it. People advise us to “choose your battles.” It can be exhausting to come into conflict with every little thing that pops up in a relationship, for example. What is it that you will not compromise though? What do you refuse to ignore? At what point is your back pushed against the spiky, barbed thorns of a giant cactus, forcing you to stand tall, and you say firmly, “No more. This is how it has to be.”
If you’re not sure whether it’s worth it, there’s a simple way to find out before you’re pierced by those painful thorns that force you to take a stand: Listen to your heart. What really matters most of all? Let your heart answer. In the stillness of your heart, the calm truth becomes clear. It speaks through the roiling mess of contradiction, wild thoughts, anger, hurt, or confusion. It speaks clearly about your heart’s longing. It reminds you that in a year from now, looking back on this moment, what will you wish you had said or done? What will you be glad you chose to stand for? Usually it’s the unknown, not the known. Usually it’s the risk, not the safety. Usually, it’s standing up for courage and love and hope, not cowering behind worry, anxiety, or fear. Even during a pandemic, we can stand up for what matters most to us.