Stillness 8-26: I wonder whether that middle-of-the-night panic or waking-up-in-the-morning-with-a-feeling-of-dread is related to a powerful and empowering experience of vulnerability.
What typically happens when we’re wide awake and conscious is that we use our smart little brains to control our feelings of dread. We reason ourselves out of fear, anxiety, or rage rather than let ourselves sink into those horrible depths. But when we’re half-asleep, our unconscious feelings are naked and exposed. They’re not even wearing pajamas.
Maybe we rely too much on our mentality to control our feelings. We talk ourselves into calm. We cajole ourselves through processes of guilt, shame, and resentment, using our brilliant mental capacity. We persuade ourselves that things are actually okay or that, at the very least, “it is what it is.”
When we’re half-asleep, our brain is sluggish. It needs a cup of coffee for its machinery of logic and for the “everything’s okay” thought to really kick in. It’s not the caffeine that perks us up, it’s being cleverer than our feelings. We won that battle, we say to ourselves, and then we can march into our day and the fray like confident little soldiers.
Still, the panic never really goes away. It’s a bit like a prisoner-of-war, trapped and carried along. It’s always trying to escape. We’re always vaguely aware that it might break out, might turn on us. Oh dear.
Here’s a solution: instead of letting your clever brain squash or ignore your imprisoned feelings, talk to them. Respect your feelings, rather than dread them. Listen to what they have to say. Tell them you’re listening. Really get to know them. Ask for them to articulate why they’re worried or scared. Be open.
You might be surprised at what pops up. It might be as small as a terror of having to go to the supermarket during a pandemic or as enormous as a fear of getting sick or someone you love dying. Listen to the voice of terror—don’t hush it. Tell it you understand its alarm. Don’t belittle it or buy into it—just listen.
When we’re listening, no one has to shout! When your feelings are heard and respected, they’re quieter, not louder. And once your panic or dread has spoken its truth, then you can safely bring your intelligence and ego-self into the situation room. Assure your feelings they are perfectly safe. Tell them that you will take care of any grown-up issues that arise, like keeping safe in the supermarket. They don’t have to do that. You can even be smart and grown-up about any feelings having to do with sickness and death: you can reassure them that together you’ll figure out the best ways to manage whatever comes your way.
It’s a partnership, not a battle, this thing that happens between our thoughts and our feelings. Let them talk to each other. When we open the shutters, open the windows, and let the light of consciousness into the unconscious, we feel much, much better and clearer about it all. Panic dissolves. Anxiety dissipates. Love of life, people, stillness, and adventure prevails.