Stillness 5-28: We love a lot of things in our lives. But what does that really mean? We have one of the richest languages in the world, yet our single word “love” is used equally when we lick a delicious ice cream, or when we fall in love, or when we speak the most sacred vows of our lives. The Inuits, we’re told, have a thousand words for snow—we need at least that many for our word “love.”
The word originated from Old English noun lufu (the verb is lufian), which includes all the meanings we still use it for: romantic attraction, affection, spiritual love, or as an abstraction. Its Proto-Germanic sources also evolved into words for “joy” and “praise.” I sign my letters with “love,” using another one of its original meanings: ‘friendliness.”
There’s no secret to the fact that feelings of love, whether passion, affection, or enjoyment, are exponential. The more you love, the more love there is. It doesn’t run out. It may change, or you may move on, is all. If you love a tree, you’re not going to stay there all day hugging it. But the more you are aware of your love for that tree, the more you love it. You carry that affection with you as you go about your day. Each time you hug it, you love it more. That’s how love grows.
Furthermore, reciprocity is what manifests that growth. Love has to do as much with its being received as its being offered, just as receiving a blessing is as vital as offering it. So when you hug a tree, accept also the tree’s love for you. Or when you hug a baby, let their arms radiate their care and affection for you. Acceptance is a tremendous practice in our crucial development of our own self-worth, self-confidence, and self-love.
When you remember someone you love, remember also their love for you. “Even memory is not necessary for love,” writes Thornton Wilder in his novel Bridge of San Luis Rey, and I agree. You don’t have to constantly remember the tree you hugged to love and be loved by it. It remains with you, even if unconsciously. When my mother had Alzheimer’s, her great love for her friends and family kept on expanding. In many ways, there was more room in her heart for love, because there was less room in her brain for thinking about it. She let us love her with all our heart, and so we did, and we still do.